1. The Been There-Done That Guy
He is a walking, yammering, Wikipedia of guides, lodges, rivers, oceans, lakes, and fish. He's the best caster he's ever met. He sets up his vise on the bar during happy hour and forces you to notice his extraordinary tying skills. He owns three obscure IGFA records and is working on six more that no one will care about. He'll ask you a question about fishing just so he can cut you off in mid-reply and answer it himself. He'll want you to try his rod, after all it's got to be better than yours. He is, quite possibly, the most uninteresting man in the world, next to our current President.
2. The Industry Guy
He comes in many forms: shop owner, travel agent, writer, photographer, and gear rep. If he's a new industry guy, he'll do well to keep his voice down and his head below the radar. If He's a career industry guy, he'll concede the best guides, sleep in the worst bed, eat leftovers with the kitchen help, and repeatedly announce to everyone within earshot, "I'm just happy to be here!"
3. The High Maintenance Guy
If you're sharing the lodge with this guy, you should take comfort in the fact that you're booked into the best week of the year for wind, sunlight, tide, temperature, moon phase, and fish movement. He wouldn't be there if all those planets weren't perfectly aligned. Unfortunately, your week will still suck because he's left you with the worst guide, a leaky boat, last choice of fishing water, and a room with a small insect problem. Lastly, he'll discover that your drink of choice is now his new favorite, and, well you know what that means.
4. The Gear Queer
You know him well. He ships his rod and duffel arsenal to the lodge in advance. He cleans his fly lines every ten minutes, and replaces his backing nightly. He can tie knots with his feet that Flip and Lefty have never heard of. His leader recipes are written on index cards. His vest is a bulging, tangled grab bag of useless doohickeys. He'll wear that vest all day in the boat until he can't stand up any more. He firmly believes that the next great rod design is the one that will finally allow him to accurately deliver a fly past his current maximum range of sixteen feet.
5. The Life Of The Party
He's the last one to bed and the last one up. If he gets on the water at all it's only because the lodge bar is closed during fishing hours. Sometimes he'll have a trophy companion in tow. If she's still on her feet after happy hour and dinner, there's a good chance that the lodges weekly tip pool will be quickly depleted in 1$ increments. He won't ever make it for breakfast, and is really disappointed to find out that there is no pizza delivery in Ft. Smith.
6. The Whiner
Hold your nose while reading this and exaggerate each syllable break. My bed sheets are gritty. My guide called me a Pendejo. Our motor runs really smokey. Two bath towels for an entire week? These fish are really spooky. Does the wind always blow this hard? There's a dead spider in our shower. I've only caught two fish all week. Twenty bucks a day for guide trips? This lettuce is wilted. Do you have any Grey Poupon? I don't really like steak. When he tries to rebook for next year, the lodge owner says "I'll email some available dates when you get home". Tips for the guides? Can you say "short straw".
7. The Angler
This is the guy you likely didn't notice. He brought the right gear and knew how to use it. He caught plenty of fish but didn't feel the need to tell you about them. He was the nice guy at the dinner table that listened more than he talked, the guy whose face you'll probably remember, but whose name you'll never recall. He'll help you if you asked him, but won't volunteer.
We all know these guys. It reminds me of Caddy Shack. I worked at a country club as a youth, and had an exact real life match for each one of those characters. Same for the fishing experience, and trust me, this can easily be translated into the work environment. I am going to make sure that I share this text anonymously with those I might be spending a week in the bush with in the future.
On second thought, it won't matter anyway.
That's all for now.
Marty
